Push this button

God is missing. At least that's what Archangel Gabriel told me the other night. I came across him while I was biking. He was riding this brilliant white Trek Remedy. I think it's a carbon-fiber front triangle 9.9 with a one-off custom finish. These celestial types always want to be unique. Anyway, he told me that nobody could get a hold of God. I told him that maybe God was just at Amsterdam in a bar somewhere there probably with Moses or Judas (His most trusted disciple) or at Vegas with some random cherub, but Gabe (he absolutely hates it when I call him that) just moved his head from side to side. He said God just went fishing some weeks back and He never came back. The last one who saw Him was Maurice Carver, and according to the latter, God went to his little spot in heaven so that He could look into his new litter of Grand Champion Banjo pups, and after a few beers but not until they watched some young prospects get schooled, God rode his storm grey 1970 Charger and went on to the Nile to fish. Nobody had seen Him since. The archangel told me that He already did this sort of thing before and we now know that period in time as "The Dark Ages."

I did not think too much about it and when I got home, I wiped my Trek Fuel Ex and got some Gatorade to drink as my ride was sort of something short of epic. I biked for about three (3) hours and my body felt refreshed from all the sweat I managed to squeeze out of my half-sedentary body. In my quiet time, I realized that Gabe was a chatty biker. Usually, I get annoyed by the kind but since Gabe is a mighty archangel of The Lord, I took exception and found his company to be relatively enjoyable since his angelic glow shown on the path and I actually turned off my Nite Rider headlight since with that light coming out from all over his earthly body, I found them to be superfluous. God was missing. Well what do you know...

The next morning I heard a voice inside my head seconds before I opened my eyes. I was already awake but still to lazy to do anything but go back to sleep. The voice said: Jorge, wake up, I will test you.

"Test? What test?" I sheepishly retorted. Then I realized that it was His voice. God's.

God was sitting on the foot of my bed ridiculously tanned for June, He looked like He stayed at Bora for a week or two without sunscreen or a shirt on His back. His magnificent white beard still shone like the sun and the black of His eyes still looked like miniature black holes that suck everything. He still looked like freakin' Jerry Garcia from The Grateful Dead.

"Answer me my son, if the Philippines and the United States go to war against the Chinese, who should I will to win?" I almost instantly answered the first party, myself being a Flip and all. But knowing God like I do, I knew from the very start that this was a silly trick question. There are no straight answers with God. If there was, then anybody would just be able to know what will happen to their prayers. So I pondered a bit and slowly inhaled and exhaled, just like before answering the very first question on the very first test on my Bar examinations roughly four (4) years ago.

"The general who wins a battle makes many calculations in his temple before the battle is fought. The general who loses a battle makes but few calculations beforehand. Thus do many calculations lead to victory, and few calculations to defeat: how much more if no calculations were done at all? It is by attention to this point that I can foresee who is likely to win or lose." I quoted The Art of War in verbatim.

"Are you really a lawyer?" asked The Almighty.

"Are you really God?" I asked back, injured by the rhetorical but kept looking up waiting for lightning to smite my blasphemous existence.

"Your answer is not responsive to the question!" God was now shaking His head.

"But Lord, if You come to terms with it, technically, every answer is a response!" I was really screwing myself big time, but I simply just cannot stoop-down like a slave when someone, whoever-in-the-green-hell he may be, question my capability and qualification as a member of the Bar. He who mocks me shall be mocked much more scornfully, and he who exalts me shall share with all I have. It turned out that God was just bluffing. He rarely bluffs but when He does, you must be ready to call it. The daughters of Job failed to do so, and I have learned that lesson a very long time ago.

"..." God paused for dramatic effect. He was sort of like Pacino, in II.

God, in all His wisdom, took out what looked like a Marshall foot switch from his pocket. Its a handy black box with a single red button in the middle. He handed it over to me.

"Push the button and it will all be over." God declared.

"What will be over?" I asked, though I had some clue on what he was talking about.

"There would be no war. Nobody will be blamed and to the opinion of some, the world would become a better place...Push that red button and all the lives of all Chinamen all over the world shall instantly end."

I pondered into it a little bit, the Confucian that I am. But after a second and a half, I handed the black box back to The Almighty.

"I can't do it. No, I won't do it." I said while chuckling like a gambler who refused to go all in despite the magnificent hand.

"OK." God turned His back, flicked His pepper hair over his shoulders and walked right through my bedroom wall like it was made of thin air. Just like in the B-movies.

But His voiced echoed all over the room after He left. "Tell Gabe that I was fishing at the Spratlys last week. The some Chinese boats came around and caught them all in their huge nets...I'll try the coast of Nova Scotia this week...maybe I could catch lobster there without any fuss. Gabe is often too much of a pussy...On the second thought, scratch that last one"

And there went God, The Fisherman. Finally I could go back to sleep. Then I reached for the A/C remote, pushed the button, but it did not work.

The Inexorable Twilight Post

If the world would end if I do not make a choice between the three "Twilight" movies, I sort of liked the newest offering, eclipse, the most. Seeing the first one, twilight, was like watching a music video of Paramore or My Chemical Romance. Imagine watching emo music videos for to (2) hours straight--that's a perfect recipe for a headache. The second one, new moon, was filled with film cliches and yes, boring as waiting for a Digitel Customer Service Representative to answer when you call them to report your notoriously faulty DSL connection. The third one, eclipse--a half hour script streched into two hours so moviegoers could finish their tub sized popcorns and megatron sized Pepsis--is surprisingly not half bad. I liked the drama between the jock werewolf, the outsider vampire and the slutty female lead. It's like watching Gossip Girl but with superpowers!

I only read twilight and after putting it down, I thought the writing was decent, but way short of spectacular, unlike the hype surrounding the series. Then they botched it in the first movie. Like I said, the writing in twilight was OK but it didn't make me want to read the next three (3) books. After seeing eclipse, however, I have to see the next and hopefully the last (oh dear God please) twilight movie before I die. Or get bitten by a blood-sucking female vampire who, if there is a preference, look like Cristine Reyes or Angel Locsin.

Post partum

Ut desint vires, tamen est laudanda voluntas (Although the power is lacking, the will is commendable.)

-Ovid

The Philippine election "fever" is finished. The masses have spoken. BSA, or rather as the man prefers it, "P-Noy" is the new president. Everybody seems to be happy. Everyone seems jolly and gay. Well, not everyone, but most people.

While I think it superficial, P-Noy's walang wang-wang (what a mouthful) policy is great--for most of us, at least. It's not too great for his security team--in fact, it's their hellish nightmare. It's great for those who would plan on doing an unthinkable thing which I dare not type here, but it's not too great for those people who were accustomed to acting (and feeling) like VIPs. Its not too great for the likes of BF, who travels all the time in black sirened SUVs on the wrong side of the road like they are in a hurry to save the world from an imminent alien threat or a catastrophic meteor collission. Perhaps P-Noy, by commuting like a commoner, would better understand the traffic situation in the Metro and through his experience, someone in his car would provide a suggestion for a remedy.

I haven't seen the presidential inauguration on TV. I didn't have the time. I was doing more important stuff. I was on a marathon. The 24 season 8 marathon on DVD. I just heard bits and pieces of P-Noy's speech on Mike E's radio program the next day while I was on my way to work. Everybody heard when P-Noy said we are his boss(es). I wonder if the farmworkers of Hacienda Luisita are included in that statement since he made no mention about agrarian reform, nor any substantial plan to make the country a better place. The parts of the speech I heard are still the same motherhood statements and platitudes which if you analyze the same, it has the same amout of meaning as Hey Diddle Diddle. Like all who went before him, of course, the Filipino masses (including this representation) is willing to give P-Noy the benefit of the doubt. I would be the happiest if he proves that he is worthy of his parents' names. We'll see.

How much money do I need? Part 1: The House

Let's see. I need money to build a decent home for my family. We already have a lot in Avida where we could build on, but not enough cash to build a home. I think about 5 to 7 Mil would do the trick. There ain't gonna be no swimmin' pools and gold doorknobs and shit. I plan to keep it homely as possible. It should be a "happy" house after all. Not a party house, no ma'am. I plan to build a home where my kids can grow to be good kids and away from all the evils and the cheapness of today's hooligan like youth culture. Anyway...

The top floor is to have a master's bedroom with a huge walk-in closet to store my lovely wife's armada of handbags from snotty companies like LV, RL, DB, Coach, etc.. The master's bedroom should also have a spacious bathroom to fit a couple of bookshelves for my Honda Tuning magazines and other interesting toilet reading. The bathroom must be big enough for me and my kids to brush our teeth at the same time. The master's should have a big wall-mounted TV set-up. I have to watch my Al Pacino & Robert de Niro DVDs somewhere. The master's bed should be big enough to help "make some magic happen." The top floor should have adjacent boys and girls rooms. My boy Andres and her little sister Amber must sleep sometime. Outside these rooms is a den, where my kids can do their school work, play their video games, and do whatever it is kids do those days. A veranda with a rocking chair where I could read the Sunday paper and smoke in peace would also be nice.

At the ground floor, the usual American/Western house scheme would suffice--kitchen, living room, dining table, maid's quarters, etc.,etc.. My wife could take care of that easy. I just want a basement office/library--that has an access to the garage, just like Tony's Soprano's. I want that room to be dark, in contrast to the rest of the house, to build a little mystery, perhaps. A couple of replica Juan Luna's would perhaps do the trick. Match those with some public library style stand up bookshelves and there you have it. Then the garage: I want an automatic garage door garage which houses two cars inside and a sheltered driveway large enough to park four more cars if needed. The inside space is for my project/show car and my saturday track car. The sheltered diveway is for me and my wife's daily drivers.

This is just for the house. Summary: 1 master's bedroom, two kid's rooms, den, veranda, living room-kitchen-dining, maid's quarters, 3 t/bs, basement office, garage.

Count as of the first money post: 5 to 7 Mil (PhP).

"I believe in philosophy." Hypatia of Alexandria said before the "Christian" religious leaders asked her on her religious beliefs if she had any.