The Dirty Rat Race

Some assh*le, whose name I can't (refuse) to remember said on air that it is Noy-noy's (Aquino, son of the late great senator Benigno "Ninoy" Aquino--he's the four-eyed dude with his fist on his chin in the P500.00 bill for you, dumb kids--and the late former President Corazon "Cory" Aquino) "destiny" to become president of this nation of ours. Apart from Johnnny Knoxville's classic ideas, that's about the stupidest sh*t I've heard in a long while. That goes "up there" (in the hall of fame of stupid ideas) together with Johnny Ponce Enrile's "Scrap the Energy Royalty Tax" crap, the proposed new tax on text messaging, and the latest issuance by the Ombudsman to prohibit (in the guise of regulation) the access of anyone to the SALN (Statements of Assets, Liabilities and Net Worth) of government officials. In the words of Dave Mustaine (MegadetH founder and frontman extraordinaire), Destiny, oh, that wicked schemer!

Noy-noy, as he's already a senator (Yey mom!), IMHO had already reached the pinnacle, no, the apex, of his political adventure. I mean, Noy-noy? What the F*cking hell? If you make a list of senate underachievers, he's most likely to top the list just behind senator Lito-lito and whatshisface "Panday" wannabe. (FPJ's death must be partly caused by the remake of the classic by a pa-cute over-age dumbass like this son of Nardong Putik). To make things simple, Ninoy is Ninoy, Cory is Cory, and Noy-noy is f*cking Noy-noy. He's just that--f*cking Noy-noy. He's Kristeta's still-to-come-out-but-perhaps-never-will gay only brother. I always imagine him doing funny things like picking his nose or catching a quick nap during senate session hearings and whatnot.

I heard that his "supporters," before Noy-noy "decided" to "accept" the "ordeal" of running for president even made signature drives but the results were, well, a little bit short of catastrophic. Apart from these gooks who started these drives, about two (2) other people signed I think, but they get to keep the pens. The pens perhaps are Parkers. So, even without the millions of signatures of Filipinos "clamoring" for another child of a president to become president because it is his goddamned "destiny,"--just like it was the devil-whore GMA's--f*cking Noy-noy went ahead and "accepted" the "offer" for him to run for president of this so-called great democracy.

But what really bugs me is Mar "Anak, itabi mo, ako na" Roxas' decision to back out from the presidential race. I never really liked the b*tch Korina Sanchez, but I really do feel for her. I also sympathize with everyone who placed their entire trust--though misguided, if I may say so myself--to Mr. Palengke. I mean, if I really believed that this guy, f*cking Mar Roxas is worthy and should be the next president of this republic, and then when the sh*t hits the fan he suddenly backs the f*ck out without even consulting anyone who is anyone in his core camp, I'd be fuming mad with disappointment in epic proportions. If I were Korina, I'd bitch-slap him twice on both cheeks. Damn cowardice ruined first lady dreams. I wish the wedding pulls through as it should. At least the people will find that entertaining and would leave some sort of psychological saving-grace for Roxas.

Then there's Jejomar "Barrack-O" Binay. I heard he's also backing out from the race. Good for him. He was sure to loose anyway. Why? Because the rest of the country is not Makati. Sa Makati, todo-todo ang benepisyo. Sa Pilipinas, todo-todo ang perwisyo. Somehow, however, I am a tad disappointed when I heard the news. Even if he was destined to loose, I could've voted for him. He's a De Molay and for me, that's enough reason.

Manny Villar seems/appears to be doing good. His war chest is huge and he's reacting to recent events like a good tactician should. All this hype with f*cking Noy-noy will surely die down. The elections are still a few months away and a lot of things could still happen. While I don't exactly like his philosophy, I am a sort of a fan of his marketing skill. This guy could probably sell refrigerators to damn Eskimoes. His campaign strategy is cool and well thought of ab initio. The "interview" with Boy Abunda was a stroke of genius. I particularly liked one Q&A which went like this:

Boy Abunda: Senator, maraming nagsasabi na napakalaki na ng inyong nagasta sa kampanya, at alam naman ng lahat na kung hindi mangungurakot ang isang opisyal ng gobyerno, hindi nya mababawi ang kanyang nagastos noong siya ay nangangampanya pa lamang. Ano po ang masasabi ninyo dito?

Manny Villar: Alam mo Boy, bata pa lang ako, namulat na ako sa negosyo, at dahil sa sipag at tiyaga, na pinaniniwalaan kong mayroon lahat tayong mga Pilipino, at dahil ako ay sinwerte, medyo naka-angat ako sa buhay. Tungkol naman sa mga nagastos ko, at patuloy pa ring ginagastos dulot ng aking paghahangad makapag-lingkod ng lubos, hindi ko na iniisip na bigyan yan ng halaga.

Eto naman ang tanonng ko sa iyo Boy, papaanno mo ibnigyan ng halaga o presyo ang isang panngarap? Pangarap ko ang maglingkod sa ating bayan bilang pangulo at gagawin ko ang lahat para matupad ang pangarap na ito. Hindi na bale ang lahat ng gastos alang-alang sa pangarap kong maglingkod sa sambayanang Pilipino.

I just hope that if he wins it all, he won't spend all his time being president building ghetto quality subdivisions, flame warring with a d*ckwad like Lacson, and "rescuing" migrant workers who got their lives f*cked-up abroad.

And oh, never-you-mind the pundits ike Estrada (who seems to be loosing his mind these days with that running TV ad), Teodoro, Legarda, BF (the Napoleon-complex ridden jerk who deserves his own hater blog), Villanueva, Panlilio, etc., et-f*cking-cetera. They were all losers to begin with and they will always will be.

Finally, I'm getting to like Chiz Escudero. He has the becoming of a good guy. He won't win if he runs for president, but I starting to like him. Maybe Sherryl, my skinny little classmate from AUSL who had the biggest crush on this skinny little guy was right. Chiz could be "The Man" of the future.

The truth about the H1N1 virus

H1N1. Sounds like a name of an experimental protoype/eco-friendly engine to me (hydrogen-nitrogen virus ver.1 or something to that effect. I'm an chemical engineering illiterate, so excuse me Bren & Whe). On a serious note, the friendly neighborhood Wikipedia defines Swine Flu as (also called swine flu, hog flu, and pig flu) an infection of a host animal by any one of several specific types of microscopic organisms called "swine influenza virus". In 2009 the media labeled the disease as "swine flu" as it is caused by 2009's new strain of A/H1N1 pandemic virus. The origin of this new strain is still unknown. Or rather, more probably, the same has yet to be made public.

Relatively recent events taken together however, enlightened me.

On August 20, 2007 Department of Agriculture officers investigated the outbreak of swine flu in Nueva Ecija and some other areas in Central Luzon. The mortality rate is less than 10% for swine flu, unless there are complications like hog cholera. On July 27, 2007, the Philippine National Meat Inspection Service (NMIS) raised a hog cholera "red alert" warning over Metro Manila and 5 regions of Luzon after the disease spread to backyard pig farms in Bulacan and Pampanga, even if these areas tested negative for the swine flu virus.

A couple of days ago, I met a Japanese student-researcher named Shinji Mikami at a local bar. Since I am a fan of all things Japanese, I talked to him in earnest. To my surprise, and only after a few bottles of the disgusting light beer he was drinking, he told me his story and the reason why he was here in the Philippines. The following are his exact words (I have perfect dictation memory):


"When I first came to the Philippines, I studied at Kalayaan College and at the same time I had a job interview at a Japanese Scientific Research company. After studying in Kalayaan College, I started to work in that Japanese company in SBFZ. Actually it was my first job and I was assigned to take charge of the ChemLab even though I was still young and had no experience and knowledge concerning Bio-engineering work. To gain the confidence of my staff as their boss was quite hard for me at first but I discussed and worked with them closely and gradually gained their trust. Although I was the only Japanese scientist in the Olongapo facility, I didn’t feel lonely at all and I didn’t think of escaping from my difficult circumstances, thanks to my beloved staff. What I found difficult in the Olongapo Lab was that most of the staff speak corrupted English and mostly Tagalog (Filipino language) which I don’t understand well. Communication with the members was indeed very difficult for me then. Traveling from Olongapo to Manila, it takes around 3 hours. After every meeting I attended in Manila, I took a bus going back to Olongapo city even though everyone advised me not to take a bus during nighttime. I was able to muster up courage and do this because I was chanting in the trip all the way from Manila for safety. My stay and the research activities I did in Olongapo are my most unforgettable memories. I will never forget them with my sincerest gratitude for loving and accepting me as one of their own fellows.

Later on, or on January 2007, I came back to Japan and my bosses there gave me a new assignment. We (the Olongapo team) were to conduct research on a "Miracle Vaccine" that can actually prevent HIV from mutating into full blown AIDS. The vaccine's function is to slow the growth of the deadly virus 1000 times. Meaning, if it normally takes the HIV to mature into AIDS in about 5-10 years, if we are successful, we can delay that into 5,000 to 10,000 years, or well beyond the life expectancy of any human. For this, we needed to transfer to a bigger facilty at Nueva Ecija. With coordination with CLSU (Central Luzon State University) the company I work for set up a high-technology bio-engineering laboratory just in the outskirts of the university. There we conducted test on the vaccine on pigs, since the pigs are fairly affordable compared to chimpanzees, and closer to the human physiology than mice. For the first month, we were getting all our desired results, we tested the vaccine on swine and got very little side-effects. Just a little flu-like symptoms which can be cured by advanced ordinary medicine. However, I did not know that time that some members of our staff at Nueva Ecija were doing some things behind my back. Instead of disposing the pigs we used up like I told them to, a couple of Filipino employees were selling the discarded test subjects to lechon stands, the nearby public markets, and some to backyard pig farmers. When I learned that, I fired them but it was already too late. I found out later on that the side effect of the vaccine was not ordinary flu, afterall.


The side-effect is what I have come to known as the Progenitor virus, also known as the Founder or Mother virus, and is the first of the mutagenic viruses I have discovered since then, and the basis for all of the ones that followed. The Progenitor virus produces rapid and uncontrollable mutation in a host's genetic code, but the mutations were not coordinated enough to produce effective and controllable effects. In hosts with a genetic structure less complex than humans, mutations are less pronounced, and usually restricted to photosensitivity coupled with increases in size and aggression.


(Mutations? Photosensitivity? Increases in size and aggression? WTF?!?)


Shinji continued: I also found out that our Japan counterparts have succeeded in creating the Tyrant or "T" virus at the Soka University Facility on March 12, 2007 through synthesis of the Progenitor virus and leech DNA. Through this synthesis, the photosensitivity of the early Progenitor strain was replaced with pyrosensitivity, a property that can be seen in most of the series' enemies. The T virus allegedly operates similarly to most other viruses, but also has the abilities to reanimate dead tissue, to substantially mutate its host, and to infect nearly any tissue in any type of host. It animates dead tissue by killing and replacing any mitochondria in infected cells, and then combining with these cells to produce enough energy for motor and lower brain functions. By doing this, most of the body's systems, such as the circulatory or respiratory systems, are made redundant. However, this process has the drawback of severe necrosis in the host, and produces the distinctive rotted appearance of most test subjects. The mutations are produced when the virus incorporates itself into the host's genetic code and considerably alters it. Creatures with genetic structures different than humans generally show less severe mutations, and usually only increase in size. I further learned that the Japan facility were experimenting on people. But don't worry, they told me that they only use Koreans and sometimes filthy Arabs.


As a side effect of the virus' consumption of its host, specifically its digestion of the host's frontal lobes, all hosts suffer from increased aggression. The virus also damages the hypothalamus, which results in a flood of neurotransmitters, enzymes, and hormones which induce a psychopathic rage and hunger in the host. The Tyrant or T virus was further developed in our labs in Mexico, since the cost of running our operation there is cheaper compared to Japan, and come to think of it, Mexican test-subjects are really like Koreans and Arabs: cheap and disposable. Human test-subjects are disposed of in the proper manner everytime, after all. All those N1H1 casualty reports seen at CNN are not caused by the virus but of the highly effective human-subject diposal drug which the company developed to make it look like a death which originates from a massive influenza seizure.


(Psychopathic rage and hunger?!? Human-testing and disposal?!? I almost spilled my drink in disbelief)


Things went seriously wrong after the first quarter of this year. Some Americans were infected by a modified strain of the T virus from an infected pig. Some drunk kid from Anaheim apparently copulated with the swine in our facility in Cancun and later on infected most people staying in the hotel he was staying in. The recent reports about N1H1 are all about the weak variant of the T virus. The T virus however, has the capacity to evolve over time. I have told you in the beginning of my story that we were developing a vaccine designed to stunt the development if the HIV virus 1,000 times, right? The T virus is just the same. If it takes a normal flu virus 3 days to incubate, the T virus, however weak it is will evolve into its mature form at 1,000 times the slower than the speed of a normal flu virus, or 3,000 days. In short, those infected today with the so-called N1H1 virus will become similar to movie zombies about 3,000 days from the time they first contracted the infection. That is the reason why despite 70+ infections of "N1H1" in this country has been reported, no one yet has died. 3,000 days from now, not only will these people will die, but they will become the undead. Within 5 years, the restof the world will be infected, and within 15 to 20 years, those who have not developed a natural immunity to the T virus will either become dead or undead. So good luck to you, kaibiganu."


Shinji left the bar but not without paying for my bill along with his own. About 10 seconds after he left, I pulled out my cellphone from my jacket pocket and called God.


Me: "Hello, uhm, God, being omniscient and all, can you tell me if the crazy shit, er, I mean stuff the Japanese dude told me was true?"


God: "The things he said, my son, are NOTHING BUT A LOAD OF CRAP."


Me: "Oh. Ok, later God. Thanks." After punching in the "end call" button, I realized something nothing short of an ephiphany: Such is my belief of God. I always believe in everything he says to me. Everything else is just a load of crap.

Talk to me like I'm six years old

Never assume anything about anybody. That is the greatest lesson I've learned when it comes to people relations. Assume nothing and you'll hurt less people. More often than not, one gets offended if you assume that he/she knows something but in fact, he/she doesn't. For example, if I talk to someone for the first time about a '92 to '95 Honda Civic, I won't say EG right away, and assume that they know that it's the chasis code for that particular model. The person I am talking to might not know what I am talking about and if he doesn't have too much courage for learning, he/she might be lost in the conversation. My tendency, however, perhaps hardwired into my training as a lawyer, is to inform my partner in the conversation, that a '92 to '95 Honda Civic, is an EG. And since I am really into Honda Civics, I might tell him that the '88-'91 model is the EF, the '96 to '00 is the EK, the '01 to '05 is the ES (for the sedan, EP for the hatchback), and the current model is the FD. People, however, as I have just recently realized, may not be as interested as me in knowing these little things. Some people are at bliss in their ignorance. Some people just don't care about Honda Civics. Just like how I don't care too much about say, cros-stitching. It is my weakness, perhaps to be over-explanatory. So please, if you already know what I'm talking about, or even if you just don't want to hear the Britannica explanation, please tell me to stop, I don't really care. A caveat as always, however, "little knowledge is a very dangerous thing."

As so, I expect people to talk to me in the simplest way as possible, I always ask questions for clarification if there is need to do so. If I get it the first time, I ask for the details. I'm not that slow, I just want to be sure of everything every single fucking time. To a litigant, if I tell him/her that a certain document needs to be notarized, if I really care for the welfare of that client, or if he seems not to be sure about the reason behind such action, I will explain to him or her, the basis why the document needs to be notarized, beyond the fact that it's legally required. In law school, when you answer a question profounded by your professor in recitation, after your answer, your professor will ask "What's your basis in saying this?" or "What do you think is the reason behind that provision?" Being a lawyer, I have acquired that kind of mindframe, to explain everthing I say. Be it good or bad, or even distasteful or just plain boring, I have chosen such way and will not change it for whoever Pontius Pilate who thinks otherwise.

"Hey have you seen the new Spoon FD-2? The ones with the 18"s and the completely new ECU?"

Haters raise your hands if you have no idea what I am talking about. Don't blame me if I talk to you like you're in fucking pre-school. You are just goddam insecure because I know something you don't.

*BTW, Spoon is Spoon Sports is an engine tuner and parts manufacturer specializing in cars made by Honda Motor Company. 18"s are 18-inch (diameter) wheels, FD-2 is the chasis code for the Japan Domestic Market only 2008 Honda Civic Type-R, and ECU is an electronic control unit, also called a control module, is an embedded system that controls one or more of the electrical systems or subsystems in a vehicle.

With great power

We were sent home early today. Because of the flood. I don't know who sent us home at 2:00 o'clock, but I didn't care. Glad to be out of the office as early as possible as I had nothing to do the whole day there. At least, for today. I had one scheduled hearing this morning but I cancelled and reset the same. There was no proof of notice to the plaintiff's counsel. It's an old civil case. Something about land somewhere. I didn't pay too much attention.

Last night I drank solo. Three bottles of San Mig Premium. But the thing is, as much as I love drinking that brew, it tasted different last night. The taste was somewhat more bitter. Perhaps it's because I was drinking alone. No fuckin' wild-ass revelry while I take in my brew. Match it with the goddam annoying drizzle outside. The Japs say that sake tastes different depending on who drinks it and the emotional and spiritual well-being of the drinker. Sake changes taste too when the Sakura (cherry blossom) is in bloom. But perhaps the real reason my beer tasted a bit bitter last night was because it was not too cold. A lukewarm beer for a lukewarm day. I miss my lovely wife and handsome kid. I wish it was Friday already.

I miss my friends too. Not in the gay or sentimental sort of way (sheez), but I miss those fuckin' knuckle-heads. Mandy and his mafia stories. Ato and his own adventures. Jonel and the fuckin' NPA shit he denies being involved with. Pareng Jeremy, who's like a brother to me. Damn, where in Satan's toe-nails are you people? These days, I often share my drinks with motherfuckin' old folks (trans: old lawyers) who think they know everything about anything. Sometimes it's fun, as I enjoy the entertainment of a braggart running his mouth off, but sometimes it gets to you, like Pacquiao says, you know?

Speakin' of Pacquiao, while on the drive to work the other day, I heard the funniest thing coming out of his light-welterweight-champion-of-the-world-pound-for-pound-the-best-fighter-in-the-world mouth. Manny was being interviewed by Mike Enriquez at DZBB (594 AM) and it went something like this:

Mike Enriquez: "Manny, marami na bang nag-iimbita sa'yo dito sa Pililipinas...sa mga piyesta-piyesta, sa mga iba't-ibang okasyon...pupuntahan mo ba ang mga 'yon, Manny?"

Manny Pacquiao: "Responsibilidad natin yan, Mike. You know, with great power, comes great ponsibility." Failing to quote Spider-Man successfully.

Mike: "Ano 'yun, Manny, with great, ano? Paki-ulit nga Manny, para sa mga nakikinig sa programa natin..."

Manny: "With great power, comes great ponsibility....res...responsibility." The champ finally realized, but it's too late, he was live on air.

Funny shit likes this gets me through the daily grind.

Until she opens her mouth

Sometimes you see a broad and instantly think, "Damn, what would I give to have that chick!"
Well, I used to. I'm married now, so I'm happy with what I've got going on with my wife and our wonderful kid, Justis Andres.

I know you know what I'm talking about, though. Sometimes you meet a girl, and you think she's the girl of your dreams. The big one. The future mother of your children, and grandmother to your grandkids. Until she opens her mouth. Think: Maryel Rodriges. Damn that girl is insanely hot. Until she opens her mouth. She's boses kiki. Too vulgar. Too cheap. IMHO, about 90% of all women are like that in the eyes of men. Too vulgar. Too cheap.

I know this post will get a reaction from my good friend Mandy to the effect that he can't avoid to say: "You ain't fuck the mouth, cabron." Well, sometimes you do. Kidding aside, we men as we grow older tend to lower our expectations when it comes to women. Well, at least those of us who has taste to begin with. I know some men who will try to fuck anything with a skirt. We lower our standards because we grow up. We eventually accept women for what they are. Inevitably, some guy will be a ble to accept Maryel's big fucking mouth and marry her. If she's lucky. As for me, I wanted a girl with class and I got one. I wanted a conservative gal who won't fuck around even if she had the chance and I got her. Someone I don't have to end up killing. You have to know what you want. Sex isn't everything as pleasing as it may sound. If you're through with the sex, and there's nothing more, find your way out.