"I believe in philosophy." Hypatia of Alexandria said before the "Christian" religious leaders asked her on her religious beliefs if she had any.

Moses bought me a showerhead

One night last week, I was drinking, shooting some bull, and talking cars with my compareng Alex at this local beer joint when I bumped into a familiar-looking middle-aged man who knew my name. He had this salt-and-pepper-George-Clooney-type of hair and wore a tie-dyed shirt and the frayed remains of an extremely old pair of Levi's. Despite of his straight from the sixties look, however, the man looked and smelled clean. In fact, he smelled like Paco Rabanne.

"Jorge" the man called out when he saw me for the first time after his first trip to the john. He did not call me "attorney" or "sir" which I have become conceitedly accustomed to, so I assumed that this guy knew me before I passed the bar exams.

I waved. The man approached our table and said, "You don't recognize me do you?"

"Of course I do." I lied. My wife told me it has become my hobby--lying. It's way too comfortable. I did it mainly to escape awkward moments like this, as I don't like being aggravated too much.

"God has told me all about you. It's like you've become his new pet prophet of sorts." said the strange man.

Upon the mention of God, I realized that this dude was a biblical character. I've already met Michael the archangel, and something told me that this feller is not an angel on Jacob's ladder. Or one who fell from it. But I stil can't place the dude.

"I am Moses." the man declared.

Alex, who was minding his cellphone that moment raised his head and looked at Moses and was only able to sarcastically utter "Wow..."

I already believed the guy when he said he was Moses but Alex didn't. He took it as a big joke from a drunk, perhaps drug-crazed hippie.

"You? Moses?" asked Alex.

Moses did not answer.

"'Lex, he's Moses. The Moses Moses." I tried to explain.

"Wow." I could see in his face that his sarcasm was already seemingly mixed with a bit of confusion.

"Bullshit." said Alex. I wouldn't believe it too if I haven't met God Almighty Himself during law school.

"Jorge, your friend does not believe." said Moses. "Perhaps I could convince him, if you couldn't." Moses continued.

"What the hell, er, I mean heck...go ahead, go crazy." This is going to be a long night, I thought. I pulled out a chair and asked Macy, our waitress, to give Moses a beer.

"If you're Moses, you can turn your staff into a snake. Tangina, you dont even have a staff..." Alex challenged the biblical man.

"Staff? That's so old school. So B.C.! (Before Christ) I ditched that thing a long time ago. But don't worry, I still have this." Moses took out from his pocket what looked to me as a black chrome vibrator-the discreet looking kind which did not actually looked like a fuckin' penis. WTF does Moses have a vibrator? Anyways, he turned it on and placed it at the table. A few moments after, and for a split-second, it seemed that the mist of the gods of Olympus blinded our eyes and the thing turned into a wiggly black mamba--one of the world's most venomous snakes.

"Moses, by Jove, put that thing away!" I almost yelled. The cashier at the bar mockingly looked at me as if I was a sissy girl.

"Fuck!" Alex was surprised for a moment but after a minute or two after Moses-the deliverer changed the snake back into a vibrator, Alex regained his skeptical composure. "That's one fine trick! Was that David Blane or Criss Angel?"

"You remind me of my brother Ramses, Alex." said Moses. "Let me try another. Macy, can I get a beer mug?" Alex and I were drinking straight from the bottle.

Moses filled the mug with ice water and dropped the vibrator thingy inside. It seemed silly. Then Moses stirred it with his middle finger, the vibrator twirling inside the water-filled mug. The water turned red, and after a few seconds, the liquid was no longer water. It turned to blood.

"God," I gasped. "Do you really have to do that, dude?" I turned to Moses. "I was about to order some crispy dinuguan..." The latter BTW, tastes exquisite.

"You must be a magician. Not a very good one, but still, you're entertaining...If we just have a deck if cards here, I'll show you my own tricks, cool tricks, not that water color bullshit you just pulled..." retorted my friend Alex. Moses sighed in frustration.

"Ok, here's another one to prove I am who I say I am..." Moses started again.

"No locusts, old man, we're at a restaurant." I interrupted. Moses did not even flinch.

"Take out your cellphone." Moses ordered Alex.

Alex yielded and got his cellphone out from his front jeans pocket. He held it up and Moses blew on it, like one would blow a candle on a birthday cake. The Sony-Ericsson transformed into a huge grasshopper the size of a NYC sewer rat.

In his surprise, Alex lost hold of the giant grasshopper, it dropped to the ground and a split-second before it actually hit the floor, it turned back into a cellphone. Well, it used to be a mobile phone. It shattered on impact, as if the same was frozen with nitro.

"What the fuck?!?" Alex, who is a deep-rooted Bulakenyo, cursed in American. I looked at him as if to say "See dude, I told you he's Moses." I thought he'd get what I did not have to say but then he started picking up pieces of his used-to-be cellphone from the floor and when he was done, he sort of slammed the parts into the table and said "You're paying for this, geezer, or else..." as if he could actually threaten a biblical prophet.

"So let it be written, so let it be done." said Moses. He picked up the vibrator-thingy and jabbed it at Alex's head, just a little above his right ear. Alex litteraly froze. Stranger things may have happened to others, but this is the strangest and most wicked shit I have ever seen. Alex's right earlobe grew a shower head, and from it coursed jets of lukewarm water. As I was sitting right beside the non-believer, I received a good dose of spray.

"Fuck you, Moses! Fuck you." I said. "You really have to do that sort of shit, don't you?" I continued as I wipe myself with the hankerchief my lovely wife placed at my left rear pocket that morning.

Thereafter, Moses broke the showerhead and handed it to me. Alex regained consciousness but was a tad catatonic.

"Now I hope you believe, you dumb fuck!" said the deliverer to the non-believer.

Alex then grabbed a beer bottle and smashed it at Moses' head. Moses collapsed on the floor.

"Now we can finally drink in peace, pare." Alex turned to me.

"Peace. Yes...To peace" I offered a toast, as Moses, adopted child of the Great Pharoah's sister, the deliverer of the Jews from captivity in Egypt, the bearer of God's Ten (10) commandments, and drop dead look-a-like of a young Charlton Heston, lied on the floor, head cracked open and bleeding.

"Fuck Moses." Alex said. "We ain't Jews anyway."

"Fuck Moses." I followed suit and drank my pilsen.

To those who believe, no proof is necessary, and to those who don't, no explanation is ever enough.

Blogfiction: Endless Summer Romance Part 0-Prelude to a Dream

Ivy sat devastated in a bar stool at the far end of the bar. She looked like the saddest girl who ever sipped on a strawberry margarita. Beside her, was a miniature golden cat, waving its right paws back and forth, like a mocking little motherfucker who knew everything.

It has been 4 days, 3 hours, 27 minutes and 56 seconds since Bruce, her fiance, broke up with her-Ivy realized when she stared at her Philip Stein. That bastard. Then she took out her mobile, checked the screen and found no signs of Bruce.

The Snake Pit is Bruce's favorite club. At least that's how she remembers it. After four sordid days of locking herself up inside her room, she went out hunting. She had hoped to find Bruce in this dark, brooding place. All the music they play here are the cliche-ridden Rock n' Roll and some weird electronic music which Ivy can't really relate to. As she came to think of it, while Bruce knew most of the people here, she knew nobody. Or even recognized anyone. This was Bruce's world. Not hers. Still, she sat on the bar and waited as a silent predator patiently waits on her prey.

Bruce never showed. It was a quarter past three and Ivy was half tipsy and half sleepy. She fell asleep face down on the formica. The bartender called for a cab. But not until after sobering up the nice lady a little with a couple of Italian expressos. He knew who Ivy was. She was Atty. Bruce Jacob's girlfriend. He did not tell her that Atty. Jacob left about ten minutes before she came in.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


5 Days ago

Bruce almost punched Tommy after hearing the news. You motherf*cker, how dare you? That's not true! Bruce was clinching on Tommy's neck with one hand, and his right was balled into a fist, preparing to strike a great blow from mid-air.

"Punch me if you want, pare, but a once a hoe, always a hoe. I'm your bro, dude. Bros before hoes, puta. I saw Ivy with that creepy guy from before. They were all cuddly and crap."

"When?" said Bruce, a man with a vast vocabulary.

"Last Tuesday, sa Eastwood while me and our buddies was about to go and see a street race between Kanzai and H3. 'Tangina pare, she's making a fool of you. I didn't want to tell you pero I know you guys are getting married...so..."

"..." Bruce released Tommy and almost fell down on his knees. But he didn't. Instead he said, "Just drop it, Tom. Just fuckin' drop it."

*******************************************************************************

4 days ago

Bruce had a rough day at the office. He screamed at his clerk, which in turn, made the poor lady cry. A big client was very unhappy. He will still spend Christmas in jail, despite the big wad of cash he gave Bruce to er, expedite the procedings. Bruce's ear was still ringing half an hour after this crook client of his banged the phone on the other end of the line. That's becuase the little clerk forgot to mail on time the pleading Bruce prepared. Bruce had half a mind to fire her, but good help, Bruce realized, was hard to find. He came home to the apartment he and Ivy was staying at. It was round elevenish. No Ivy. No dinner at the table. Bruce opened the fridge and found half a box of OJ's and some eggs. I don't deserve this shit, Bruce thought.

"Where are you?" said Bruce when Ivy answered.

"I'm with friends...here at Amplitude...and youghdrtsy, huouhggnj..." The reception was not so hot. The background music/noise was too loud. Beep. Then the whole thing got cut.

Friends. Amplitude. The latter is a dance club where hip kids go to spend their parents' hard earned cash on booze. Some yuppies also frequent there to find sex, as in any other club. Bruce can't stand that sort of place, as much as he can't stand Ivy's friends.

Bruce haven't had anything since brunch. He decided to go to a McDonald's drive-thru and order some nuggets and fries. He took his silver Honda 2000. Hunger was just another excuse to drive. Amplitude was just a few blocks away from the McDo so Bruce, against his better instincts, thought of driving by. As he did so, he smiled at the cars parked at the lot. There were Toyotas with GT wings, Mitsubishis with Spoon stickers, and cut-spring dropped Sentras with street-glow pummeling the midnight air with 99,000 decibels of low-SQ gangsta rap. The Philippines is truly the rice capital of the world. Bruce almost hit his head at his Mugen "Mickey Mouse" steering wheel when he braked when he saw Ivy getting inside a ricey '99 Honda EK with a cheap glittered red finish. Shortly thereafter, he saw a guy wearing a baseball cap sideways enter the driver's side door of the rice mobile.

"Well, fuck me..." Bruce whispered to himself. He saw shadows kissing inside the sedan since it had magic tint. Bruce then stepped hard on the throttle and white smoke engulfed everyone within the roadster's immediate radius. Bruce went home, packed his overnight bag and threw it by the passenger seat.

"d engagemnt is ovr. wer nt mnt 2 b. tnx anyway 4 d gud tyms." Bruce typed on his SMS screen.

He added "go fuck urself." at the end but decided to erase the same. Send. If it's easy for you to cheat on me, I'll make it even easier--Bruce thought.

Starting from few minutes after Bruce hit the send button, there were eighty-six messages and ninety missed calls from Ivy. Bruce never learned of it. He threw away his cellphone at the NLEX while driving towards Bagiuo City.

***********************************************************************************

3 days ago

After a quart of Jim Beam, a couple of double shots of Jack, and about six pints of beer, Atty. Bruce Jacob slept behind the wheel in a garage of a local Pine City motel. He didn't even make it up the room. The girl she was with, left him hours ago at the club, as no one is really interested in motorbreath and a limp dick.

After four hours, Bruce woke up because he thought someone hit him in the head. Massive hangover. He climbed up the stairs, stripped and showered for two hours. He thought of Ivy but realized that he doesn't really love her anymore. In fact, he doubted if he ever loved her in the first place. Ivy was easy on the eyes. Easy to love. But "what in the green hell is love, anyway? Who knows these things?" Bruce thought. After he got dressed, he went to the mall and bought a M&S shirt, a pair of Levi's annd some fresh socks. He bought a ticket and changed in the moviehouse comfort room since he knew that there's going to be less people there. Without seeing the movie, however, he started his journey back to Quezon City.

**********************************************************************************

2 days ago

Bruce was slaving at the office. The holidays were approaching and reglementary periods were ending. There were pleadings and motions to finish and a whole lot of cash to be collected. He worked till midnight. He bought a new cellular. An i-phone. Bruce had integrated his old cellphone's phone book into his car's head unit so transferring contacts were easy. He planned that he'd do it on the drive to the motel he was staying in the meantime. At least, for the time being until Ivy packs and leaves the apartment. If she doesn't, Bruce thought he'd go to the States for New year's eve. He might just celebrate it in NY's famous Times Square. He always dreamt of that when he was a kid. Back when Sinatra was still alive and crooning.

Bruce started transferring the contacts from his car to his new i-phone. He reviewed the names while he drove and some entries he found interesting.

Gabriel Reyes. Good old Gabe. Gabe was like a brother to Bruce back in college. Bruce tried to call him but Gabe didn't answer. Bruce then dialled a few more names of friends but no one answered. maybe it didn't help that it was a quarter before midnight on a thursday night.

Selena Cruz. Bruce hit the "call" button.

"Hello. Who's this?" a female voice answered.

"Uhm, hi. It's always a pleasure to hear your voice." Bruce answered.

"Bruce? Is this Bruce Jacob?" Selena asked as if she did not already know.

"Who else?"

"Hmmm, eh where's your wife Ivy?"

"She's not my wife."

"Ok, where's your fiance?"

"I dont know. I don't care."

"Bakit, nag-away kayo?"

"No. Hindi."

"Eh ba't you don't know, you don't care ka diyan?"

"Ivy and me are through. The wedding's off. Enough about her. I don't want to talk about her anymore."

Selena is sort of Bruce's ex-girlfriend. Well, sort of because they really weren't officially involved, but their closeness back in the day made everybody thought they were the perfect couple. Bruce and Selena also thought they could have been. Up to this very night, they teased why they didn't end up with each other, what could've been and why things happen the way they did, what would their kids look like, and all sorts of other cheesy stuff from their past and even those of the alternate present, way beyond Bruce had parked his car in the motel garage, stripped into his undergarments, laid on the bed, and the conclusion of three episodes of a 7th Heaven marathon. Bruce and Selena talked more than three hours on the phone before Selena had the mind to ask: "Bakit ka nga pala napatawag?" Then they both laughed. After the laughing stopped, Bruce told her, "I want to see you."

"Ok. Sunduin mo ako from work."

Blogfiction: Endless Summer Romance Chapter 2 - "Earth Angel"

If anyone could be blinded by beauty, Bruce almost got done in that night. She was wearing a fuschia number which made her skin even more temptingly fair, and her dark and shiny auburn hair seem like a lovespell. All Bruce could do was grin. It couldn't be helped. He was like a child who has seen the contents of an unwrapped Christmas gift. It was one of those moments that if his life was a musical, he would've burst out in song.

"Selena" said Bruce, trying not to be caught dumbstruck, but Selena must've thought it was too late for that act. She gave her tote bag to him and said "Ang bigat nito, grabe."

"Ano ba ang laman nito?" asked Bruce, still staring.

"Kung ano-ano...my things. I'm hungry na, ikaw?" answered Selena. Selena's voice has a calming effect on Bruce, as he suddenly felt like they just saw each other that morning though they haven't for months.

And everytime Bruce sees her, she never fails to make him fall all over again.

As the couple started walking towards the restaurant situated a few buildings west of hers, the sky trickled. The couple found themselves under a commuter shade. The ones in Ayala are nice, if you just ignore the tacky poster ads. Bruce had no umbrella of course, as he thought himself as a self-respecting macho. Selena had small yellow one, the kind that High School girls carry, the one that would barely fit one person underneath.

"Sa bag." Selena was pointing to the Parisian tote bag Bruce slung on his right shoulder.

"Ang alin?" Without waiting for the answer, Bruce realized what she was asking for. Bruce opened the yellow umbrella and mockingly admired its polka-dotted design. They both smiled and continued walking. The small space beneath the yellow umbrella gave Bruce the oportunity to put his arms around her shoulder while they traverse the pathway towards their destination. Selena didn't seem to mind. Bruce could almost guess that she's enjoying it at least as much as he was.

They decided on Japanese. Bruce liked the salmon sashimi, and Selena ate a tofu steak and some tempura. They shared more than a few laughs during dinner and anyone who would see them that night would think that they are a nice young hardworking couple having dinner after work. In some ways, they really are. After dinner, the sky cleared up. As the couple stepped outside the building, Selena looked up the sky and said: "Look Bruce, the moon is so bright...aww!" Selena broke one of her heels. She was wearing these strappy little stilletos. Shiny gold ones.

Bruce immediately kneeled to check if Selena had a sprain or a bruise. She didn't. But her right shoe was history.

"Favorite ko pa naman 'yan." Selena's voice was that of a sweetheart. Bruce gently and lovingly massaged her feet in alongside the sidewalk in one of the busiest streets in the Metro, but he didn't care. It did not matter to him that he was a named partner of one of the better Law Firms in the city. No, scratch that, the country. Bruce did not care if a Supreme Court Judge could see him doing such a silly thing in public. He glanced one time at her face and saw her smiling. That alone paid for the price of admission.

"May slippers ako sa bag." A woman's bag has more gizmos and trinkets than Batman's utitlity belt--Bruce thought as he was scrummaging for the pair. He put them on her like she was Cinderella. He even offered to carry her like a bride until they reach his car. It was a joke but if Selena answered yes, Bruce might just have done it. When they got inside the motor vehicle, Selena said "Thank you Bruce, no one has ever done that to me."

"Done what?" Bruce was genuinely puzzled.

"Basta. Thank you for treating me like, uhm, a lady." Then she kissed him. He kissed back. You know how it goes. One thing leads to another.

"You know I love you." said Bruce, when he was finally driving her home. Selena remained quiet, holding his shifter hand. She changed the topic. She wanted to talk about the meaning of happiness. About cheesy TV commercials. About why she likes this certain actress, etc., but generally, she wanted to talk about things that makes them both laugh. Times like these, Selena was most happy. But Bruce kept a shadow of uncertainty at the back of his thoughts, though he tries to erase it by playing along. Maybe she'll tire of the game she's playing, he thought. For now, there was no reason to spoil everything.

The moon shined bright. Stars abound the heaven's on such a night. Bruce wished every night could be like this night. He was driving home his dream girl, his earth angel, in his favorite car, after a lovely evening in the city. Little did he know that tragedy was about to strike.

/end of part 2

Part 0-Prelude to a Dream

Blogfiction:Endless Summer Romance-Chapter 1 "The beginning of the end"

Bruce was sitting on his office desk when his cellphone sang to the tune of that wondergirls tune. It was his current message alert tone. The message read: "2loy b tyo l8r?" Without looking at the keypad, his fingers typed at an amazing speed: "yup. cnt w8 2 c u" As instantaneous as the bundy stroke 5:00 o' clock, Bruce punched out. Short of running, he rushed towards the elevator.

He drove towards the direction of Ayala avenue--eastbound. The Makati traffic made him swore like a whore who haven't been paid. After what seemed like an eternity to him, he finally reached his destinaton. He parked his Kaiser Silver S2000 at the basement of a strange building, and typed on his Finnish cellular: "d2 n me. wer n u?" No more than a few seconds have passed since he hit the send button and the wondergirls started singing again. "pnta ka sa lobby. c u @ starbucks."

Like a part of a crew of profesional robbers, Bruce followed the fresh instructions to the letter, and ordered an orange juice from the coffee shop. He text(ed) again: "d2 n me strbcks" He then started sippinng his OJ with what seemed like a bit of fury. He was becoming anxious with anticipation. When the hunderd-peso juice was done, there's still no reply, so he created another message: "wer u n?" Bruce flashed a cigarette and transferred to one of the seats outside and smoked. Nobody, nobody but you... a reply read: "I was on my way down but I frgot 1 of my thngs so i had 2 go back. w8 lang wil b der in 5 mins" He replied: "sure, no prob" He lit another stick as a timer and changed his message alert tone to a simpler beep-beep. He noticed that the Starbucks people were looking at him with contempt after they have heard part of the Korean hit twice in five minutes. He set it up initially as a joke for his staff, but he found out that the same grew old too quick. Then he whipped out a sachet of hand sanitizer to lessen if not eradicate the smell of nicotine and tar from his hands. He popped a couple of Smints in his mouth and resumed waiting.

Beep-beep. "i'm here" Bruce turned around and found what he was looking for. Trouble-that should be her name.

/end of part 1.

Part 2- Earth Angel.