I haven't seen God for a while now. Maybe he's real busy. Perhaps He's doing His work somewhere. Who knows where God goes? Who knows what God thinks? That's perhaps the reason why He is who He is. A man could read all the books written throughout history and wouldn't still have an inkling about the nature of God. God is unfathomable by the intellect of man. His existence cannot be proven nor disproven. He is who He is. I believe in Him because last time I saw Him, He practically told me to be absolutely loyal to my lovely wife--over a couple of San Mig Premiums. Premiums. I used to love that beer when it first came out, but it got old fast. Now I'm back to plain old Pale Pilsen. Super Dry if there's any, just not Light. I can't stand the latter's wateriness. If there's one thing I know about God, it's that He loves beer. For God so loved the world, He created barley.
Lately, apart from drinking the occasional brew, I have been doing "normal" things. Shit like work, fixing my old car, watching movies on the DVD, playing GT on the PSP, surfing the internet, etc., et-fuckin-cetera. It's been years since I've been in a band, and the strings on my vintage Ibanez (A Japan made, first edition, 22-fret RG350) would probably break due to rust if I try and play it now. I miss playing "rock" shows, the loud music, the friends, and all the other things that go with it. I just hate getting broke over some gig. Show me a musician who got rich through his music and I'll show you a sellout who doesn't like half of what he's playing. I want to be rich, so I put down my guitar. As my trusty old six-string rests on the top of my old bunk bed, so does my AR15 fully automatic airsoft rifle.
I picked up airsoft after the dog game in the Philippines got filled with posers and become real dangerous for "decent" people. A few used-to-be dogmen started playing the airsoft game in the early 2000's. I was really heavy on airsoft back when Chinese airsoft rifles were useless pieces of shit. These days, I have heard, airsoft guns from China are at par, or at least quite near, with the quality of top airsoft maker Tokyo Marui. I tried to buy all of the military gear that goes with it, researched all of the crap about it, played it for about two (2) years and got sick of it. Its nothing but a bunch of uniformed guys, most of them between their 20's and 40's weilding fuckin' metal and plastic guns that fires 6mm round pellets below 600FPS (feet per second). Besides, the sonofabitch hurts. My younger brother is still at it to this day and perhaps will still play airsoft until the day he dies. A very good friend of mine, my best man in our wedding is also hooked on this stuff. In fact, he's closer to my little brother now than he is to me. They see each other every saturday when they shoot the crap out of their opponents with tiny plastic bullets.
Lastly, I don't dream anymore. All my sleep are filled with darkness. The moment I sleep to the moment I wake is like a blink of an eye. I remember I used to dream that I am a microscopic Superman flying about two (2) inches from the ground fighting grasshoppers, bugs, beetles, and my archenemy, the neighbors cat. I used to dream that same dream when I was really young. I also used to dream about an angel, seeing me from time to time, doing all sorts of shit with me. She was a real thing of beauty. But in my dream I did some things that made us fall apart. That's perhaps I was a little too afraid of the light she brought with her. The last time I dreamt about her was last year, I think. Prior to this revelation, I have never told anyone about her. If she's real, she'll understand that I only did those things because I didn't know better. To this day, however, I can't forget a particular nightmare I had when I was about twenty (20). I dreamt of a few circles close to each other. Like the circles made by a bunch cold glasses of water place closed togehter. That nightmare gave me the creeps which defied all logic. I woke up crying to my parents and like a true yellow motherfuker, I yelped "yung mga bilog...hu-hu-hu-hu" Putangna, I knew I hated math and geometry but that was too much. Perhaps I was afraid of the goddam circles because maybe they weren't really circles. Now I realize that they were zeroes. I was afraid of zeroes. No need to worry now because I don't dream anymore.
Thank God for the blackness.
